This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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