I want to make a zoo with you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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