we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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