You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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