btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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