Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
