so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
