I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
