I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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