You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
