I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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