so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
