During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
