Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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