I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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