I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
