why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
