the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
