Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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