remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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