I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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