I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
