The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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