I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
