dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
