I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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