I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
