i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
