There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.