Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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