Don't make out with my wife yet
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.