I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day