Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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