I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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