I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
