Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
