In the future we'll all be gay
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
