But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
