This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
