the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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