I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
