In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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