As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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