it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
