This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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