i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
