Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
