That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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