Need sex. Gaining weight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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