just come out here and I will go home with you...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
