Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
