we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
