You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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