Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
