it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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