So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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