Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
