you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
