Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
