I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
