Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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