I like to think it a success when the cops are called
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
