Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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