Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is not my ceiling
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
