cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
