Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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