P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
